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Sorry about the delay. My brother had my laptop and certain text functions were gone when I used google chrome & firefox. Funny huh. I can't really describe how I feel now...a mixture of guilt, overlapped with anger and an urge to just give all this up. But how do I? They're my family...I hate the way they're so unappreciative towards one another, how they judge one another just from this stupid situation, how he says with much conviction and regret that he was born as his son, how he complains like a pussy because he doesn't take action at all, and most of all, how he asks my mum 'how do you even tolerate a person like him? why did you even marry him?' to which my mother cruelly answered 'how did I know? he changed.' and then proceeds to justify her replies and both of them so in union, as if nothing else mattered but their ignorant opinions. 'If you had one thing to change, what would you do?' to which she replied with much conviction 'I wouldn't get married.'. If I had a broad forehead and it could be written on, it would be in captial letters 'YOU'RE A FUCKING DISAPPOINTMENT.'. Never, will I say that in future. Say that I regret getting married. Regret having kids. I can't stand how much regret there is in her life, and for once I agree with him, that she never plans. Or mayb she does, but it all screws up in the end. And I dare say that even if the 'screw ups' include God's plans for her, she regrets it. All of it. And you, stop being so fucking immature @ 22. You=talk and talk and talk=no action. All bull, ALL OF IT. I don't see how you shld get respect when you don't even EARN it. And if you must know, there will be NONE of it from me to you. Just you watch. - To the readers, sorry for the angst it certainly wasn't directed at ya'll. School has been relatively slack but I keep giving myself prep talks and I need to because I know myself so well. When the fatigue courses thru my veins it's no class=skip lesson and no revision=mountain of work when exam approaches. Am so glad I'll be out and running on tues! And this reminds me of May & Afina, who have absolutely brightened up my school life and I'm so thankful for their presence. 
A sudden lost for words. Rachael Yamagata + John Mayer is all I need. Thank God for such wonderful singers.  I'll be back. | | |
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I'm not one who reads poems often, or even at all, but this one was different and I think it's beautiful.
I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way
that this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.
-Neruda (Idk who that is though heh)
I know I haven't done a proper post in days and weeks but I'm actually losing the vibe of blogging. I hope it'll be back soon! :)
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Micky Yoochun ^^
SEM 2, HERE I COME!
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I can listen to '23' forever. Its intro is amazing, and it fits just fine like how my mood was just now.
I was frustrated but tired too. Tired of all these 'faults', tired of all those complaints, tired of the 'shortcomings that others had'..it was enough. What and how was I supposed to react? And just when I was thinking of whom to turn to, my mind had pictured you. Like a canvas, your name was instantly scribbled on in my mind. Because instinctively I knew that you'd be here no matter what. You, would listen with a giving heart, with all the sincerity in the world, just wanting to be there for me. Even if it was a compromise on your part.
And then it dawned on me. All those were just what-ifs, it could and would never happen. And I thought why. I thought about the letter which I had mustered so much courage to write to you. I thought about what I wrote inside. I thought about the words I used. But it all came from the bottom of my heart, so what went wrong? And then, I thought about the no-reply. Again I wondered why. And the only answer that came was, maybe you just didn't want to have to do anything with me ever again, maybe I was too much of a hassle.
That was it...
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